As I continue the series on stress, I want to talk about a few lifestyle changes that can have a profound impact on how stress affects the body. Since it seems more and more of our stressors today are emotional (compared to physical or chemical), how we think and what we choose to do are of paramount importance. Let's look at some different tools that should be in our stress coping toolbox.
While I have been interested in helping my patients better deal with stress, it wasn't until the Central MN Emergency Services Chaplaincy (www.cmeschapaincy.org) asked me to conduct a training for them that I really delved into coping strategies. As I did, I found that religion, and Christianity specifically, has many stress reducing techniques built in.
Reconciliation and Forgiveness. One of the most important things we can do to reduce our stress load is to work on reconciliation and forgiveness. Regardless of who was wrong to begin with, holding grudges and continuing to "simmer" does no one any good. It is vitally important for us to forgive when we have felt wronged, and to reconcile with those who we believe have done that wrong. As parents and educators, it is even more important for us to leave the kids alone and let them hash it out on their own. As soon as you step in as a mediator, the reconciliation is difficult to achieve, especially for those who are close to begin with. If they aren't close to coming to blows, leave them alone and let them work it out. We need to learn we can't always do the fixing. Forgive and forget...always.
Prayer and Rosary Beads. Having someone you hold higher than yourself is important. While many argue against religion, time and again research has shown that those who have a firm belief in a higher being and pray regularly have a better stress response. For those Catholics specifically, praying the rosary has its own benefits as well. Find your higher power, and pray...often.
Philanthropy and Altruism. As I talked about in last week's blog, giving of yourself is vital for resiliency. It also helps to offset much of the stress response. When we are focused on helping others, our problems become less of a big deal, and the stress in our lives, while not diminished, becomes less important. Give of yourself...often.
Social Support and Warm Touch. This comes down to having a group of people who care about you, and letting yourself be touched by them. After one morning where I was lecturing to peace officers, I had a complaint from their chief that they came back and started hugging everyone. After I had a good laugh, I emphasized to him that what it meant was those officers felt they were cared for by his office, and wanted to show their support for him...with some warm touch, i.e. hug. Now, every time I see him, I get a hug from the chief. Parents, hug your kids and kids hug your parents. Spend time with those you care about, and don't be afraid to express yourself with some warm touch. Hug...a lot.
Intuitive Listening vs. Inner Dialogue - Tips on how to fight. We all fight, especially with our spouse. Whether we realize it or not, we fight with many others, just in less open ways. Remember that fighting is a choice, and it has to be chosen by both. There is no such thing as a one sided fight. Unfortunately, most of us end up following our inner dialogue, which deepens the fight, instead of intuitively listening. Our inner dialogue sounds like this.
1. Inner dialogue starts...This guy is impossible. I can't believe he did that. What was he thinking?
2. Defensiveness follows...It's not my fault this is happening, it's all on them. I didn't do anything wrong.
3. Depersonalization happens...What an idiot! Would you listen to that moron!?
4. Agitation and resentment is fostered...I'll show that SOB.
5. Recruitment ensues...It's time to tell the world and get others on your side.
As we go down the road of inner dialogue, we only increase our stress level, often for no good reason. If you think back to the last time you felt wronged, what did that person do? Was it really worth the effort it took to fight, reconcile, and forgive? The research shows us that if we can stop ourselves at step 1 or 2, we can head our stress off at the pass, and instead look towards reconciliation and forgiveness at a much earlier time, creating a whole lot less stress along the way. When that little guy starts tapping you on the shoulder and urges you to fight, brush him off and tell him to take a hike, it's usually not worth it. Fight only about important things...and don't rehash arguments.
Thankfulness. There are books written about how to be more thankful, and if we all read them and took them to heart, we'd have a whole lot less stress in our lives. Instead of focusing on what we don't have, if we instead focus on what we do, we have less stress. Whether we thank a higher power, or just thank those around us, having an attitude of gratitude instead of one of expectancy will make us much happier. Say thanks...to everyone.
Laughter. Ever end up on the Comedy channel when you're angry? How long before you flipped the channel or lost the anger? Laughing has been shown to have profound healing effects on the body, and has a huge impact on stress reduction. Seek out situations where you can laugh deeply and for a long time. Some of my worst days brightened quickly by a simple statement that struck me as funny, and I ended up laughing so hard I ended up crying. To be happy and healthy, laugh...lots and lots and lots and lots, and then some more.
This isn't an all inclusive list of things you can do to help deal with stress, but it does show some lifestyle changes we can all make that will not only lessen our stress, but make us happier and healthier along the way. You can choose to change a few, but if you really look at the list, which one would you choose first? They're all important to our emotional health. Be proactive in beating stress; choose them all.
Look for future blogs that will give more information and insights into improving your health with natural health care. You can also visit my website, like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, or listen to my radio show.
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